if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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