you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
