after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
