You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
