You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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