the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
