Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
