Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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