I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
