it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
