We won't sleep together?
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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