the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And then he peed in my hair
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