dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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