omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was born a porn star she said
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
