the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
