i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
