I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
