You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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