I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
