OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
