I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
