so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
