he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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