He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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