i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
