Just cropdusted the office
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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