I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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