the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Green mimosas i think yes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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