I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
