the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize