So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Are we still banned from the library?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
