Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think my tv is drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
