I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
