I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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