Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
