It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
