Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
