This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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