I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
