I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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