dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
