u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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