Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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