Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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