You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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