You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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