So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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