fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
