So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm really busy with my period
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