If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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