break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
