made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
