Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
