i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
