do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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