WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
