I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
