Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
