ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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