you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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