I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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