I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
