and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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