Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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