oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
