took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
