You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
